if you come down to my room ill tell you a secret
i will soon be in a relationship on fb
you!?
me and your mom. i mean, lisa.
You were wasted and fell in a pond when you met him, it's not like you were on top of your game
We did a shot for each one. Father... son... and holy ghost. That wasn't enough though so we moved on to toasting dead relatives.
you're just mad cause i madeout with you while having a mouth full of chewed pretzels
Ok, maybe I don't want to know what happened last night... But somehow I guess I moved the oven.
Don't worry. This time I'll get black out drunk so they'll just think it's an American thing.
The ratio of last drink to last smoke is so tricky. This could go on until the booze is gone
I don't miss having sex with him. We had our finale fuck last week. He's all yours now.
Walked in on my roommate covering his dick in blue frosting. Am staying with my folks for the Forth. See you Monday if the brain bleach works.
I just used an Amazon gift card from a student to order a new vibrator....teacher of the year
Hungover. No words. Just memes.
He took my Spanx off and still fucked me twice. I call that success.
RESPOND QUICKLY THIS IS AN EMERGENCY!!! LITERALLY AN 11 INCH DICK!!!!! HELP.
Why can't he see that I don't want a slow getting to know you period? I just want to bone. NOW.
Randomize
