i literally forgot his name and just started calling him "waffles"
dude, I just walked in on your little brother changing clothes...I'm ashamed to say I noticed, but that kid has as MASSIVE cock...
Yeah...we all know. it's the elephant in the room at family gatherings.
that is a frighteningly accurate metaphor for it.
We started snorting MDMA at 3 in the afternoon...it was never going to end well.
That's what happens when you park you car under a perfectly good balchony I can puke off of
I don't know the quality of the hand jobs you've received in the past but it CLEARLY was not one from me
I don't care how hot he got, I can't get past the PTSD flashbacks of the first time he fingered me
My Pizza Lunchables won't fit in the fridge because of all your alcohol. One of our addictions has to give.
Either I'm drunk or judge Judy has 3D commercials...so I think I'm drunk. Also I may or may not haven eaten a hoagie on the toilet when I didn't want to stand up
I asked the subway guy how many cookies he thought I could smuggle into the bar. He said it looked like a 6 packer. he was correct
And then god smiled down upon me and he said let there be hangover food and let it be Wendy's
Sensing a theme here
If alcoholism is a theme, yes.
Am I just high or is she having an auction for her vagina on Twitter
Hiking for a first date sounded like a good idea in theory because there was absolutely no possibility of me blacking out. In practice, I'd rather black out than go through what I just went through.
His beard looks like it smells like beer, cocaine and old pussy juice
what color bed sheets say meditative warrior but also welcome to my sex dungeon...
navy blue
The fact that you have an answer to that is why we are friends...
Randomize
