We should go out drinking together soon
I'm still not going to have sex with you
Is there a reason "Call me when you're legal" is written on my arm? I'm 22..
if you could put a roof over IU campus it would be the biggest whorehouse in the nation
I had a nursing patient tell me that her favorite drink was vodka and ensure...called it a colorado bulldog
I'll see your cousin, and raise you a sister.
yeah, that's what i said too. right before i tackled that street sign.
Going to.goingto.gtoing to DIE DIE DIEEEE......i feel like everyeone impotrant in my life like MLK is judging me.... saddd day
Thanks for coming to the hospital with me, In return, I will buy you ecstasy.
I did too many shots and now a kitten is trying to eat my bagel.
My mom just walked in and she was like "Who ate all of the cheese?" and all I could think of was you trying to become a human taco
When we were fucking he said and I quote "we're like a sex fajita"
Remind me in the morning that I've now seen a guy do crack. That actually happened. I'm at the wrong party.
What kind of terrible faithless God would allow vodka and one ply toilet paper to coexist?
Burnt food and a broken vibrator. Disappointment after disappointment. Is April a man?
Whatever, ill dance on the bar at applebees, don't try and act like you're above it.
Randomize
