I just googled maps his house, and took the virtual tour back to my apartment, just so I could visualize the walk of shame in the morning
i either just walked in on pete wacking off to webmd or he was checking his dick for herpes
He was from Iceland of course I didnt sleep with him, havent you seen Mighty Ducks 2???
I'm sorry but when I'm riding in the trunk on the way to mcdonalds at 6 am I just don't want to listen to reba macintire
In my defense it was my birthday and I really wanted to do it.
Yeah, I wouldn't mind getting fingered in the corner of a dive bar again.
Woke her up in the middle of the night with the smell from a fart. So proud of my colon.
The majority of the reason I want to get my pilot's license is so I can use the argument "FUCK YOU! I'M A PILOT!"
Sometimes I have to make sure these messages are going to you and I'm not about to give someone in my phone book a heart attack.
YOU CANT FOOL THE TOILET
You invented a drink at the bar and named it Boner Soup. It was like an even trashier version of a long island iced tea
No he reached for my hand at the beach. I pretended to be a seagull.
Come by so you can take a pregnancy test with me. It's like my monthly ritual!
theres a girl in the library eating whip cream out of a starbucks cup... only whip cream, im way to high for this shit
She yelled “outlaw country” right before we heard the police siren
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