And now that i don't feel so bad because you're not pregnant the $15 for the pregnancy test I bought would be appreciated
No I'm done finals, but I'm not coming home until these hickeys are gone.
There are work activities and non work activities and dunking my head in a bucket of ice water pulling it out and shotguning a beer is certainly not a work activity
My meds have diminished my sex drive, this must be what regular women feel like
I want to take my head off and cuddle with it
Maybe it will forgive me and stop being an asshole
Found my wallet. It was under my dresser with a note that said "good job you found me". Drunk me is an ass.
it's only monday and im already failing all my classes. i give up. tequila tuesday is my only friend.
By getting lucky do you mean I get one of your incredible BJs or you not killing me by the end of dinner?
we're meeting twins and drinking tequila. i love life
I want to get business cards and hand them to hot guys and say " hey if you ever want to like makeout and pretend it never happened call me"
yesterday you declined a drink because you "didn't want to be responsible for it" ok kanye...
Because everyone is allowed one half drunken 7:30 am walk back to campus in a cowgirl costume, right?
I lost the bet. I now have to do all chores sans clothing of any kind. I give it a week before I'm knocked up...
The friend zone. He put me in the friend zone. But said he still wants me to suck his dick. I'm in the dick sucking friend zone and I want to die.
I'm on tinder and every time somebody says something too creepy for me I start quoting scripture at them. My boobs are like missionaries.
Randomize
