He's totally hot and awesome. And he's a Democrat
Good, so he won't mind when you kill the baby.
This is a mass text. Does anyone know where I am?
I saw a girl walking around campus with bandages on both her knees. I need to get her number.
Warning: at some point today you will probably see several pics of me 69-ing a blow up turtle show up on facebook. Just disregard them.
im shotgunning beers in the kitchen. alone. the cat is judging me.
She was shaking her boobs and I was so high all I could think was "breast maracas"
She pulled out a handful of chest hair. And then gave the room a Brave Heartesque speech.
Currently playing beer pong versus the girl i lost my virginity to.....and her mom
it's all fun and games til I text you in last nights clothes with a head bleed
I now have a bottom rung on my kissing scale. Like I can say "Well. On a scale of Matt to Braxton he was probably a Zach." It's the little things.
I know it was a good night because I got a lecture from my roommates mom about stranger danger
No. You don't want this. When I threw up last night, it was so intense I went blind for about 3 seconds.
He was so fat that he broke two of my ribs
Maybe it's time to stop screaming I'm a chubby chaser every time you enter a drinking establishment
I'm going to get him a gold star sticker and put it on his dick
I'm going to leave the 5 dollars that fell out of my bra while fucking in his room on the dresser as an apology
Randomize
