I just saw the girl you left with - Chris Hansen's looking for you
remind me not to puke in the mesh trash can tonight
Just left some random in my bed to go get mcdonalds breakfast. I'd say my priorities are on point.
after we had sex he went grocery shopping. at 6 am. i've never been more confused in my life
This gyro tastes like lonliness
woke up to the trail of sugar cubes leading to my bed........was i that uncooperative last night
She's an honest to god fucking ballerina. She did things I don't have names for.
I am sitting here. Drinking from a bottle of vodka. Eating shredded cheese from a bag and waiting on him to pick me up after he finishes with his girlfriend. This is what dreams are made of.
I was up all night on suicide watch. Dave was wasted and tried to strangle himself. With his own hands.
No teenage boy ever gets scared away from sex unless she is slipping a wedding ring on your finger or is killing your cat. I promise.
i mean i'm drinking free wine with lesbians and listening to sinead oconnor so i'm not sure who won that breakup
Hahahaha .. If it makes you feel better I had a sex dream about a cheeseburger last night so I feel like we both lose.
I said no to friends with benefits because it was too much commitment
It's 5am and I have yet to fall asleep. At what point do we just accept that I run on vodka?
Good god, my descendants are going to be fucked.
Randomize