Uhh me and Jacque peed on the street outside the bar last night and wiped with flowers. I vaguely remember her repeating the word "fresh" over and over.
i have the juiciest gold medal in my pants
she then came into the room and yelled I'M GOING TO BE A COCK BLOCK for 5 minutes
Its like everytime i see you, my vagina gets a heartbeat.
Two questions: what are you doing RIGHT NOW? and do you know how to drive a golf cart?
i'm having taco bell mild sauce and tums for breakfast because i'm hungover and thats all i can find. it's like thanksgiving up in here
Probably twitter. Never underestimate a psycho girl with wifi
Um, would you be up for dick jousting? Stefanie is willing to pay 40 bucks.
Why did you make me get in the car with you and then not give me a ride? I woke up in a bar with a blanket on me.
I just want it to be said that I had sex in my Belle dress last night. Classy motherfucker.
I don't have time to shower before my passport photos...your cum is all over my hair...that's with me for 10 years now
I'm excited for you as you venture towards new drug experiences
I just my had my first cup of coffee in a week. I think I might orgasm.
I tried to order dominos and couldn't but I accidentally placed an order for this morning. I knew I did it last night and was gonna call and cancel this morning but honestly it's coming in 30 minutes and I need it
Imp drunk. It'd free popcorn tuedday I love life.
Randomize
