Katie Perry lied, you can't just wake up and shake the glitter off your clothes.
is it just me, or are high schoolers getting sexier?
this girl with a french braid down the center of her head won't stop talking about the benefits of the free market. i'm hungover, bloated and haven't slept for 4 days. shut up french braid girl, shut up.
We haven't even started dating yet but I already decided I'm going to cheat on her
When we found you, you were using the bottle of Captain as a pillow...with a note on your forehead that said don't wake up the champion.
i feel like the wall was a canvas for his penis.
Can we please get through at least one night out when you DON'T threaten to have sex with one of my parents?!?!
I just used a baby fork as a roach clip. I am totally the cool aunt.
Ya he's the booze devil, like if the black hole and Bermuda triangle joined forces with Captain Morgan
I just spent a solid 3 minutes trying to figure out how to send a smell through my phone
she just nodded and said "yeah, I'd fuck him for a reese's peanut butter cup". it's so nice to know I'm not the biggest whore living here
I'm eating hummus off of my stomach right now.
There's a weed, money and oreo filled pinata promised for our party.
Why do I always have at least 8 men with whom I am conducting some sort of poorly planned love experiment?
does anyone know where bryan is?
last i saw he was naked, and crying in the bathroom because there was no more booze.
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