I'm so over stopping myself from talking about my sexual experiences in front of children.
Weird shit dude, I just realized that the girl I fucked last night looks like Shaun White's twin sister. I dunno if I should be scared or turned on
I hope her Double McTwist was as good as his
Now that my 6 day bender is behind me, I just realized I might have been the one who took a shit in our mailbox that past few days.
i just saw you make out with a girl with facial hair...just thought i would document that in case you forgot
scarred for life. way too high and witnessed some chick give a dude head on the dance floor
she's drunk at 2 in the afternoon again. at least my mother is predictable.
You made a glowstick headband with a helium balloon tied around it and climbed a tree in high heels. I was impressed.
He taped a champagne bottle to both his hands and called himself edward champagne hands. At one point he poured some on his lap and said " Just needed to make sure my dick got some too"
I missed rounds this morning...my senior resident hooked me up to and IV and made me stay in the clinic because he said I didn't look presentable enough to walk around the hospital
Her next conquest seems to be stealing her ex-boyfriend's new girlfriend. Pretty sure everyone involved is totally OK with this.
We decided to try to steal hot dogs but it ended up with me punching him in the face and crying. Pretty solid night
And I wasn't CONVICTED of a felony, I just committed one
I've never been so excited to have my ass in so much pain.
You drunk? Cause I have a terrible idea...
she's my really slutty friend i bring around so i can act slutty and not feel as bad about it
Randomize
