i don't remember her name, but i don't need it unless we decide to hook up again. but even then, i can get away with not knowing it for a while. it's not like we have actual conversations.
turns out making maccaroni and cheese with whipped cream instead of butter is only good when your high
just because you are in college doesnt mean its okay to pregame easter mass.
We are smoking a hash blunt ... Bring your emergency inhaler
I'm about to initiate a game of drunk UNO.
Drunk UNO has officially been banned from now until forever.
I'm worried my skin won't stretch enough to handle this boner. Then what?
Today, my boyfriend informed me that I look like my dad when I orgasm
Excuse me while I download incredibly disturbing porn until I'm more ashamed of myself than of my country.
Already at the river; already getting fucked up. And yes that semicolon is legit because those are congruent statemests
Ok well i was gonna say you can only borrow my fog machine if you will use it to emerge from your room in a cloud of smoke after having sex with sarah, so yeah we're good
Drinking wine from a straw at 6:15 in the morning. This is what college does to people.
I woke up this morning with a text from my mom as to why the hell random people were showing up at the house. Turns out nobody came to our house party because I gave them my old address, fuck pre-partying for real
he threw an umbrella that he ripped out of the table at the fence like he was harpooning a whale while the owner of the bar was outside then tried to blame it on an old man...
He unofficially told me he deleted his tinder because of me. I think that’s a pretty romantic gesture in 2018
I almost suffocated in that mask but she kept calling me Jeremy so I kept it on.
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