ur penis kinda felt like a vagina to me
It's not kidnapping if it's romantic
This is to remind you the pizza is in the dishwasher birthday boy eat it before it goes on
The fire breather is here so I may get my second wind.
Why doesn't he get that I would rather give him blow jobs than be in a relationship?
Chef at hibachi place learned it was my bday and sprayed 20 second count worth of saki in my mouth. Not sure it was the right image to share with my kids, but thought you'd be proud.
She took a crow from her moms Halloween decorations, taped it to her shoulder, went to the bar and made the guys buy a drinks for both her and the crow.
my mom just walked in on me in the shower doing the "ass hair shave" pose.
Made out with a chick in front of a girl I'm banging and successfully reDENNISed her within 9 hours
I would steal a car if I knew it had wheat thins in it
is it necessary to steal the whole car?
We are not having sex in the fucking kindergarten
Sorry my phone died because I decided charging my vibrator was way more important
What happened last night?
Lets just say you asked me a couple times if you had eyeballs..
I THINK HE DOES. OMG!!!!! OMG I FUCKED A GUY W A FAKE LEG AND I DIDN'T EVEN KNOW!!!!!!????!!!!!!!!!
I’ll call you in a minute. Trying to book an AirBnB so I can finally bang the yummy guy from yoga
Your downward dog is going to rock his cock. I’m jealous
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