what do you mean I googled how to give an awesome blow job?
I don't care how ugly she is, I can't turn down a free movie +bj. In this economy that's downright irresponsible
I'm listening to bach and watching porn,is that a sign of depression?
Quite the contrary. Sophistication.
I never thought I would say this but I have to clean queso off my vibrator
Succesfully slept on the roof at work for 3.5 hours without getting caught. I need a promotion
At one point, you closed your eyes and asked me which 'six flags' we were at
i think i have weasels eating my brain. Also there is a skeleton staring at me from the back of the bathroom door. it's an awkward vomit. come find me please
be proud. or at least amused. an 18 yr old and a 25 yr old at least makes my average hookup age this week the same as my age.
Dear future Eric, sorry about the Everclear. Sincerely, Eric +2 shots E.C.
Sexiest use of a semi colon this week, congratulations.
You just accidentally called me. You kept saying "Really?! Really?!!" So I can only assume you are having sub par sex
It's a sad night when one of your friend texts you that she's going on a date with someone you know and then invites you to maybe have a drink after
I have no clue how you survived last night but I applaud you. 21 body shots off 9 bodies in under four hours has to be a record.
a girl walked up to me and asked if you were my brother. she shook her head and said 'im so sorry' when i said yes. what did you fucking do????????
Are you serious?! She sent a pizza instead of showing up?!
She did indeed. Papa Johns. It helped because I was super hangry. That bitch is smart!
Randomize
