Wow so 15 missed calls, a vm AND a text saying come downstairs? ...And where is downstairs? Explain.
Chicken burrito, or no deal.
Is that code for my vagina?
Who the fuck has ever referred to a vagina as a chicken burrito
Grilled cheese is the best thing. ever. better than boys, and alcohol, and sex, and chocolate, and money. But not really the last two.
she broke up with me using backstreet boy lyrics
you deserved it if you knew it was backstreet boys.
He is crying over the toilet and his friends just came in and tried to make him take another jello shot.
I filled this oven with as much Pizza as I could, and I've been eating out of it for three days.
Just ate the last piece. Refilling the oven.
I bought everclear. Bring your party pants and some addies
You're not gonna punch me in the face again are you?
This tiny cat is tiny breathing with her tiny lungs and im having a tiny freak out. Like those lungs have to be super tiny.
Just to warn you I probably wont be able to do anything that involves standing up
Dude, you can't even imagine the trip, I actually thought that there were Care Bears sitting next to me at the bar, I'm pretty sure I started hitting on the pink one.
I don't know man. I fell outside Pizza Hut and an employee had to perform first aid. But I think I got free pizza. So it was worth it.
Hypothetically speaking how does one remove a lamp that they hypothetically superglued to the ceiling?
Acetone nail polish remover, and you lied about studying last night didn't you?
Oh definitely.
He was more upset that I got into his phone than about getting caught cheating.
I feel like I smell like bad decisions
I remember turning to Jon after doing a line of coke and saying "I was a Girl Scout"
Randomize
