I'm gonna have a badass scar
yo i have your phone
... oh so you probably won't get this message
Maybe i should go to church more so i can meet girls like in that song, you know, the ones that act slutty on every day but sunday...
ah, so the catholic church. i gotcha
this party is like a fast-foward into the future when im 40 and married with children
I showered today. Officially upgrading myself to useless.
Strippers tramp stamp says "mom"
It really ruins the moment when you have to ask to resend the nude pics.
I cant do that to my vagina yet. its my prize posession.
im just going to make a prayer circle of top ramen packets and cheap beer
Saw a girl on a walk of shame bend down and look in a pizza box by a trash can to see if there was still a slice left. That's when you know
I've officially dedicated my newly single life to making myself squirt.
A dick pic is not a proper way to say I'm sorry
I drunkenly texted ur dad last night telling him he raised great kids hahahahaha
I never realized the effects a broken spine would have on my sex life
I hate who I am becoming
I think of it as growth but I also hate who I am becoming as well
Randomize