no more hot dogs for you........
fine no more vajj for you
Just did the walk of shame across state lines...milestone?
Talk about awkward... Just went to dinner with my mother and realized I fucked our waiter the night before. She HAD to see the looks he was giving me!
Apple Jack is not a good idea for breakfast. Whiskey can't replace milk.
and he said i stripped him down, hand cuffed him to his bed post, and tickled his arm pits, and then continued to watch The Hangover.
she's using motion activated glade air fresheners as some sort of early warning system
If I am going to pay someone to make me puke, it's going to be the bartender.
Aqua-barf. When you are about to puke in the toilet but pass out face first instead...and then puke. WITH YOUR FACE IN THE BOWL. There is no escaping the puke ring you have on your face. I know first hand.
Dude, you sent that text at 9:44 AM. Who thinks of drugs that early?
Ps I got my nipple pierced. You're just gonna have to accept me for the tool I am and I don't wanna hear any shenanigans.
I'm not judging you. Just know that you could be Queen of The World. Instead you're 5:28 p.m ponging. I hope you're at least winning
Last night I was this close to hooking up with someone called "Handjob Pat" dubbed for the time he paid $150 for a handjob in Canada.
You've never really lived until you tell someone you have an STD over snap chat.
I'm so high. I'm going to need directions to get home.
then a garbage truck rolls up to the club, they hop out, and walk right in like they own the place
Randomize
