You should have seen k-money last night. She was just hanging on to the toilet for half the night. By her fourth trip to puke, she started talking to it and was doing the voices for her and it. She kept saying "...we thank you for your continued business..." haha
I thought he was joking about bailing you out until I saw the picture of you and the sheep in the morning paper. Were those my boots you had on it
i took a field sobriety test yesterday. a crowd gathered, watched me pass it and applauded. then the cops arrested me because i took a bow and fell over.
you told the cop you blew a .08 because you ate poppy seeds
I wonder who the first pervert was, and if he would be proud of me for advancing his art form by so much
i just woke up to 15 people singing a whole new world
I was just "that girl you seen blowing some dude outside when you drove by"
He went into the alley to piss and came back a minute later with a case of Bud Select. I'm speechless.
I'm crying, drinking alone and applying for jobs tonight. I figure the alcohol will lower my job standards.
I made a blanket fort and am drinking Gatorade and eating donuts watching 500 days of summer. I can't keep spending my saturdays like this.
Is adulthood just morning sex and then walking through the grocery store 20 min later looking for something to take to work for lunch?
...and then running into your dad at said grocery store...
google maps should a have a setting for this. like I AM ABANDONING EVERYTHING TO MEET A GIRL WHO IS 10 HOURS OF MILES AWAY. HOW DO WE DO THIS OPTIMALLY?
I feel like I grabbed someones dick last night, & if I didn't I'll be disappointed in myself
I picked up a chick last night on crutches wearing a I am boobman tshirt. I love raves.
He's completely obsessed with his ex but gives phenomenal head. So overall, yeah, good first date.
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