I keep pulling short curlies out of my mouth. Not cool
ugh.. my birth control just came out of my nose. wtf?
my brother is so whacked out on percocet from hurting his legs that he started crying because his belly button was so cute
doing washington apple shots with my mom. sunday afternoons suddenly got so much better.
She put her phone in her underwear and it somehow managed to work it's way into her vagina. she has a BLACKBERRY.
y-o-u-r-e = you are, y-o-u-r = your. you are a bag of douche not your bag of douche. if you're going to insult me at least do it in proper english. that is all.
I think she must be bulimic. I mean, every time I see her I know i want to throw up.
well at that point we were just fucking to keep warm.
You mowed a straight line through three yards because you were, and I fucking quote, "In the zone." I think they know.
I WAS KIDDING ABOUT SLUTEMBER BUT ITS ACTUALLY HAPPENING
Woke up with champagne in my hair and honey mustard on my hands. Strangely, I'm okau with this
Omg she's a human wrecking ball. I love it.
I am to reach this level of casual destruction.
I feel you. I woke up butt naked on top of my sheets with a plate of cheese next to my bed...
Please come to class. I miss you and I have a horse mask
Slept in and having coffee. No sounds of whipping and no veiny dildos next to me. This is good. How's your mornin?
Randomize
