I was being carried out of the bar, but then my friend saw Pat who just got kicked out scaling the wall to sneak back in, so he carried me back in, sat me on the bar stool, and the bartender just let us all keep drinking.
Being persistent has its perks my friend.
Sweet. Might not hurt to poop on the floor anyway.
he was like Britney Spears in bed.. a little chubby and too medicated to perform.
slowly transforming into a stationary lump of steel. how can you tell me that was JUST weed
If someone would have told me in preschool that I was going to do him I would have said no
It's not a good night until someone eats a bagel covered in face mask thinking it's cream cheese
I just came so hard there were tears. Actual tears.
I just remembered that I did shots out of a gay mans crotch. And there's someone saved in my phone as "Miranda knows where my car is"
There was a cop outside the house so we just put the alcohol in this watermelon
After I was kicked out of the last frat I blacked out, woke up in the hospital with no clothes no phone and no idea what happened last night. But i got hospital socks, thats a win in my book.
Okay... I just said "preach it" to the pokemon theme song. I'm hammered.
I just delete my bank app from my phone to have enough storage to download tindr. Is this my life now?
Sometimes I look at dogs and just thing about how it's weird we both came from wolves
Lay off the drugs kid
i'll explain later but cookie monster is playing the xylophone
NO NINJA FIGHTING AT THE GAS STATION
Randomize
