We won't sleep together?
hitting rock bottom=girl fakes converting to christianity in order to get out of having sex with you.
I masturbated on the webcams with my bf yesterday then typed without washing my hands first... then my roommate used my laptop it was pretty priceless
It's the foolproof way to identify who didn't get laid last night
They had half off shots during the fourth quarter. I was powerless.
The entire time I'm blowing him she's in the back seat lecturing me on the reasons why you're not suppose to do that while they're driving...
she asked him to cuddle cuz she was cold and instead he got up, moved the space heater to her side of the bed, and went back to sleep
My brain is like scrambled eggs. If scrambled eggs were trying to escape out of my skull through my forehead.
Would I waste your time for mediocre porn?
So he says to my dad "I'll pull out of your daughter but I'm not going to apologize". Yea, my night was fun.
Yeah. I mean it wasn't that awkward. I just made conversation like there was absolutely no lack of pants.
Today I learned I and my bar naps were the subject of a bar meeting.
Holy shit, did you actually CHOOSE to get hit by the alcohol truck last night?
Just a couple of adults talking about cum shots at 8am on presidents day
I wanted to give everyone gifts as they left the house... So when your wondering where most of the christmas ornaments are I'm really sorry.
Randomize
