You look like a girl that would like strip clubs
you were so high that you made a 14 page PowerPoint on why Santa would beat Peter pan in a fight.
and I must say, you were very persuasive
Another night, another sound of my neighbor almost having an orgasm.
And she used to have such long ones. Sad.
In case this wasn't clear when i said being his wingman was "hopeless", his date walked out on him when he poured a beer on his head trying to shotgun it
Can you please tell him to stop calling me ma'am? I'm starting to remember what it's like to have self respect
1. Are there men involved 2. Is there food involved 3. Do I have to put pants on 4. Do I have to leave this bed
YOU DID DRUGS AFTER A THREESOME WHO ARE YOU TO JUDGE ME?!!?
You asked me to pick a color between pink and purple, and I said orange; you told me, "okay, that's a truth question". Then you asked if I had ever deep-throated a cupcake...I didn't even know what to say.
The guy had great intentions when throwing us free beer off the balcony... but of course I was the one to get hit in the face because that's the kind of luck I have
Fun holiday story for you: Alex and I went out drinking. She left. I needed a ride home. Met this dude and told him to drive my car back. Once at my house, I made him take out my dog and then apologized for not wanting to make out with him. I said, let me go see if my roommate is interested and then I slept in Alex's bed all night.
20 bucks says he was an actual leprechaun
he said "be careful" then handed me a cheezit...
We're the worst. Two people without their shit together do not make a functional adult.
I hooked up with a guy named Quan.. I literally hit the Quan
I'm ready to run through the streets naked yelling "HES ALIVE!"
My moral compass kept pointing to his penis.
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