xbox live and facebook are tricking me into believing I actually have an active social life
just found more coke in my pocket. i love not washing my jeans after every individual use.
He thanked me for being "his little blond pogo stick last night". Good thing?
I'm not going to fuck him in his Honda Fit. That's gay.
the first sign of life we got from you was four hours later. you smiled without opening your eyes when tom whispered in your ear we were getting buffalo wings.
That would explain his violent outburst while watching barefoot contessa...
I believe its time to stop celebrating Thanksgiving. I've been drunk for over a week. If my liver doesn't give out, and I'm not pregnant I will truly have something to be thankful for.
dude i should have never cleaned my ears out while high. theres no going back.
We won 11 games of beer pong, and then I spent a half hour trying to get into the top bunk. Then i realized it was a cabinet in the bathroom
I promised myself in the hospital that I would give up drinking for however long the cast stayed on. Thank god it was only soft tissue and not a fracture.
I keep shaking cocoa puffs out of my hair. Best Sunday Funday ever.
I was just shot with a dart gun by one of my coworkers while walking to the printer. Ironically I was printing my resignation letter...
Hey sorry about last night. can I come pick up my tooth?
I mean honestly, what would you have done?
Not screw her in the church house?
Its one thing to reject me, but to reject me AND my hottest friend AT THE SAME TIME!?!?
Randomize
