so I told him I hadn't been laid since Bush was president. Right after he cums, he says "Welcome to the Obama Administration".
fuck off i hope your children turn out to be republicans
we hooked up on one of my student's desks last night...i can't decide if i'm ashamed or massively proud of myself
dude you teach first grade wtf
I didn't want to talk to him so I just started telling him how important Jesus was to me
I feel like I need to get rid of the black eyeliner, glitter, and tequila breath before I to that world poverty conference..
I woke up next to her will a oven mit taped to my cock. Dear god, I might have tried to use it as a condom.
New rule : you aren't allowed anything . Ever .
by the end of the night two people were passed out at the table, three on the couches, and one in the bathroom. it looked like someone pumped sleeping gas into the middle of a dinner party.
Ah, but I don't wear underwear. Every day is Commando Wednesday.
Btw...refried beans is a terrible thing to throw up.
The sex was so boring I heard the people having sex next door and I wanted to stop just to listen
THE AUSTRALIAN IS SINGLE AS FUCK.
Angels sing when his face is between my thighs. I came 3 times before he even came up for air.
You’re not his type
I’ve got blonde hair and great tits. I’m every man’s type
She has my name on her bucket list. I’m either getting laid or killed
Randomize
