it's just weird having a massive boner in the morning when you could have used it the night before.
Well I think that's a good thing that I'm not full of someone else.
i pretty much saved your life. you were so conviced that your nail polish remover bottle was "Vodka Lemon"
how was your night?
well, i just purchased 'sorry for being a drunk whore' cupcakes. how do you think my night was?
im vomiting on the 4th floor cause no one knows me there
Struggs. It's also 90 degrees out but I'm not sure I can feel heat or cold any more. Too hungover.
We were sitting in my backseat and he just kept biting me and telling me we weren't at the zoo...
There's going to be a pool, lightsabers and alcohol. What could go wrong?!
I just had a 30 minute conversation about hummingbirds. That high.
I miss high conversations.
Swinging. Is. Amazing.
Why is my vagina being sacrificed for yours? I'm sure he would take a piece of you too. Your turn.
I just said "I love my cat" as a hobby.
Having sex with him is like eating mayo. Don't think about it, just do it. It's worth it.
did u drive by my house last night?
bc if that wasn't you i threw my bourbon bottle at the wrong van
My uncle showed up to pick us up at the bar just as I bought a drink so I put it in my pocket #drunksmart
the fact that I can still put my shoes on is a testament to the fact that I can outdrink these bros
Randomize
