Yeh xou jao i ama wa7tdud !!
Oh my god. its not even twelve thirty and you are useless.
I just went through her cupboards. Eye patch and sword. nowhere near each other. different shelfs.
Have you ever seen an entire lecture hall fist pump? It's magical.
i totally fed the cab driver fruit salad with my hands while he was driving
I'm making celebratory pizza rolls. They're a lot like regular pizza rolls, but without the taste of shame.
You fuck like a mechanic. That is the universe telling you that is your true calling. Take this as a sign.
On a scale of your daily life to smuggling crack into the DR, how illegal is it?
I have reverted to folding laundry while watching porn. how much sadder can my life get?
Showering in not my own throw up is really hittin the spot right now.
He literally named all the parts of the vagina as he fingered me. No more pre-med virgins.
Next time I feel awkward in a situation I'm going to just yell "free bird!!!!" Like some redneck at lynyrd skynyrd show
I think pants incapable of making pants work
Can I make sure all my sluttiness goes to you when I die? You're the only person I know who'll make use of it
I just found an old slice of LIME in my wallet?????????
i love discovering the tokens of our drunkenness from the night before. it's like easter egg hunting. today: smashed pizza rolls in the sink.
Randomize
