She said she could kiss it, just not put it in her mouth. Because that would be cheating..
CANT TOUCH THIS JUST CAME ON MY IPOD. LOVE STEVE JOBS
Just got cockblocked by coyotes. This would happen to me.
That makes the second boyfriend of hers that I've fucked. I'm gonna start keeping an eye on every guy she even speaks to. Girl is my sexual rabbit's foot.
If you wake up soonish don't worry. I took your dog to burger king and now we're going to see some nice girls.
I think online classes were designed around the concept of day drinking.
I drunk-cried for all conjoined twins everywhere the other day.
But in defense of this shit summer we've had, I totally perfected my shotgunning skills. I have achieved my summer goal.
Can someone please remind me later tonight that there's a taco in my purse. I may get drunk and forget I put it there
I mean it could have been worse, I could have been sober.
I don't know what's wrong with me. The guy from bar rescue is making me horny
We aren't doing Shrooms tonight bc that would be friendship cheating on you
I shamewalked barefoot this morning and the Dos Equis delivery guy judged the shit out of me.
His sisters are going to have a heyday finding all those condoms in their bunk beds.
I had perfectly good intentions but my penis had other ideas and now I need a place to crash what do you say
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