I am in a vortex of obligation.
is sleeping with your Political Science professor Politically incorrect?
Was he helping you 'cram' for your final, or just giving an oral exam?
He had to pee in the sink beside my head because the girl that I was taking care of was passed out on the toilet. To answer your question: yes i took a peek. Thats why we hooked up later.
Her brother walked in on her giving me a bj and just laughed. I got a highfive before I left.
you thought your balls were fighting each other...
I don't think the car's salesman understands that I am about to vomit on him.
I woke up covered in sausage cart mustard and champagne
First if all, whoever designed penis shaped ice cubes is clearly daring me to shove them up my vagina
You dont lie about slip and slides
Don't ever give your dog some hamburger at midnight. Its impossible to enjoy a late night burger when your dog just threw it up all over your carpet. Gremlin rules work with dogs.
Using the only finger i can move, i calculated body mass, intake and time. It's mathematically impossible for me to still have this hangover at 9pm. I passed out at 8pm last night. Fuck vodka.
Imma do me. And by that, I mean I'm going to walk across campus still drunk at 9am on a Tuesday.
Thank you <3 he just looked at me, fist bumped me, and asked me what was on my titty....we may cut her off
Everyone called me "Barf Vader".. And I lost your lightsaber.
i'm sitting in my room 'bout to smoke a bowl. also, i found out that you don't need a permit to own a tiger in wisconsin, so we're buying one when we move in together.
Randomize
