dude, osama threatened the US again
dude. i slept with your sister last night
what?
I saw that as an opertune moment to drop some big news
i can smell the iron from margo's period blood from across the table.
You told her the u were going to wrap your dick around her neck and start her like a lawn mower. thats why she left.
you kept screaming i cant feel my vagina, it kinda killed the mood.
Just dropped $150 at the liquor store. No power and two feet of snow has taken my alcoholism to another level.
He gave me a promise ring. He promised that he will imagine me as every girl he fucks in college.
I made a drinking game out of watching your DUI video, everytime you say " okay, well thats just your opinion"
The bridesmaid just threw up on herself. This is going to be the best wedding ever
come back what if one of your parents walks in and im just sitting here eating a cheesesteak without you
i spent an hour trying to convince my psychiatrist that the fact that i showed up for my appointment drunk was progress, and she does not agree
In sex ed. they really need to include a lesson on saying tampon in foreign languages, just in case.... Trying to ask the woman at the reception desk, who barely speaks English, for one just turned into an awkward game of charades.
Now I can't unsee my hot boss's under-boobs. Monday will be awkward.
Pics or STFU
she comes in perfect pitch. hook up with more singers.
This is the drunkest I've ever been at a chili's
Oh Jesus. Are you going to the hospital?
No I'm showering then leaving for Vegas
Randomize
