I think i ate a live goldfish last night. that i caught with my hand in a kiddie pool. my stomach really hurts.
You wouldn't stop asking the hibachi cook if his knife was a hattori hanzo
worst hand job ever. my dick is about as raw as that sushi your mom wanted me to try.
I don't remember coming home but there is cereal EVERYWHERE
I guess you don't remember pouring tequila in the dog bowl and slurping it.
While I was banging her, her cell rang. She checked to see who it was, answered it, and moaned, "I'm dumping you."
sorry for the blank pocket text. My penis obviously has nothing to say to you.
He appeared on my 7th floor fire escape and sang to me and jimmy through the window when we fucked. He's like a drunken mix of Sinatra and Spiderman.
We had a weird moment. Mid-sex he started talking. It went along the lines of "I. FUCKING. LOVE.....this condom..."
An don't say it's "personal preference" cause I don't buy it. I just want to have normal cool guy balls. I don't want to be the dude that's still rocking the equivalent of the "mid 90's bowl cut" of scrotum haircuts.
You should make a checklist to ensure they are quality material. Here's mine: wearing shoes, not drunk, very hot, has teeth, speaks english. You never know
Curdled. you forgot that word. It was a curdled buttery nipple shot.
You lit a fire in my vagina no man can extinguish.
LETS THROW SHIT OFF THE PORCH
This is going to be so stupid, but do you feel the calluses on my hands when I give you a handy?
Randomize
