He was like an evil genius with the clitoris. I don't stand a chance.
eye of the tiger was playing while i pooped... it totally helped.
Truelife: I made out with my ex-boyfriend's girlfriend this weekend. Thank you Captain Morgan...
Was she wearing cherry chapstick??
No. Life's not always a fairytale.....
I'm heating up a hotdog using a candle.
i actually have a tan line from him holding my boob while we were sunbathing
He kept screaming "it's so seductive" while he was humping the wall
Why are you speaking in third person?
Because I'm so hungover that I don't even want to be myself anymore.
It's not a good hook up if during you're thinking "how will this damage me psychologically"
And then we were riding the keg in the pool like an 8 second rodeo...naked.
Dude, jerking off when you're all hopped up on pre workout energy supplements has got to be the greatest thing I've ever done.
Your stoned with a 2 year old in the room....and that makes you want to have babies?!
"Do You Wanna Build a Snowman" came on while I was riding his dick. I had to take a moment.
If he's gonna send me dick pics; he should at least zoom in to make it look bigger.
She turned down sex for beer pong. I'm not sure if I should be disappointed or not.
Is it bad when your own grandmother calls you a whore?
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