If I die today, promise to let the world know I partied.... oh god did I party
Apparently tackling a bar stool and crashing to the floor while yelling for 6 shots of whiskey won't get you thrown out on St Pattys Day.
Sonogram pictures belong on a fucking fridge...NOT FACEBOOK!!
scratched cornea got me an eyepatch and a blowjob from a girl with a thing for pirates
and everything will be beautiful and nothing will hurt and we will eat nachos
I'm the saddest girl in a tutu right now.
She puked her nose ring out of her face.
Girl we've come a long way since our first Brazilian wax
Yep. How's your hangover?
It's like I fucked its sister and it's getting back at me.
When you're looking for your panties tomorrow, you traded them for a blunt on the train.
did you know gatorade and rum go really good together
Are you doing depressed science again
maybe
Props to you. You took the bet seriously. Making out with her for an hour right after she spewed
You know you're too drunk when you start calling people out for unfollowing you on social networks.
No other way to put this but the dick was not worth him crying for an hour after. No more online hookups.
I'm sorry for breaking our door. And being a bitch about it.
Randomize
