Gooodnight my beautiful sex angel. Much luvz for joo, etceteraz
Someones grandma was rubbing my back. I'm way too high for this.
How do we turn this unicorn pinata into a bong?
Dropping the entire last roll of TP into the toilet is a hurt you don't want to know.
Why is it that when I sustain a serious injury people are more concerned with my level of inebriation than my personal safety?
I spy something regrettable...
Oh my god. Stop!! It was one time and I still can't believe it.
Pretty sure I just got the ok to have a one night stand in Maui...from mom. I'd say that's a win in my book.
Would it be totally wrong, that in honor of princess leias death, I role played as her??
I got a lap dance in honor of your birthday last night.
Thank you.
theres a video...
oh god.
I FLASHED A GUY AT MCDONALDS FOR A FREE BREAKFAST BURRITO. IT WORKED!
While he was fucking me, he just stopped and said, "Mike says Hi." Then proceeded to fuck me.
What did you do?
What do you say to that!? But, when I came, I screamed out my full name.
I'm drunkenly throwing popcorn at a spider, fuck him. Why does his scary 8 legs get to be happy?
I love you. Doing a double. Going to die. It will be painful. Let the world know i partied. God, did i party.
look, bitch. one day when everyone i care about deserts me for my severe moral depravity, you're going to be the only one i have.
i can't wait.
thanks for the bj man. also make sure you close the gate behind you. the chickens are out.
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