Riddle me this. What had unbelievable sex, and finally understands the meaning that things come better in pairs?
I hate you
What's bad is when she said "what hobo did you steal this dick from?"
Please get rnbert tn get chebk h'm in i'm no dead when he getr gome
Ohh man do you know how awkward it is to keep eye contact and have a normal conversation with someone while their hand is in your vagina?
4pm update. Theres smashed cake inside my duffel bag, a vodka bottle in the dish drainer, and the most productive thing ive done is make 40 pigs in a blanket
That's how you know it was a good night if two months later you finally realized your skirt never made it home and you found out where it was.
Lets get coked out and steal a parrot this summer
What do I do when my mom and I both awkwardly spot the Rocky Horror parody porn sitting on the coffee table? Leave it or try to move it?
I realize designer coke was a douchey thing to say but the point of the story is I did bath salts
This morning when you were fucking me you said you'd go to the store and get me tampons and a 30 pack
Dude. I keep thinking about how I let a man gum my vagina.
I swear, I make more use of my creative writing major with sexting than I do with anything else
There are flour footprints all over the house. Either u guys are trying to pull that Paranormal Activity shit on me again, or u got drunk and tried to make pancakes.
He's my blizzard buddy. We're blowing lines and doing a 3D game of thrones puzzle
what color bed sheets say meditative warrior but also welcome to my sex dungeon...
navy blue
The fact that you have an answer to that is why we are friends...
Randomize