I'm pretty sure his head is too big to fit between my legs. Worthless.
Im drunk and they're making me play quiet game. Im scared. Baptists are here
my mom and grandma just had a splits competition. slut runs in the family
Good lord, they've set up every firework to be ignited by a trail of gasoline at midnight. God save us all.
No big deal, we were just two friends having sex. It's perfectly normal we don't remember. Water under the sex bridge,
You Were screaming "Im trying to get it in" and "stop cock blocking" while i threw you in the car
I woke up this morning half naked, smelling like an ash tray, with an empty bottle of jack next to me, and now someone named Dora the anal explorer is texting me.
Call me and get me out of this conversation NOW. My coworker is talking to me about her birds having sex again...
Nope we are at the ER my brothers crazyass neighbor kinda stabbed him in the neck. He's gonna be fine.
I think I'm destined to be the stoner version of one of those successful but emotionally unavailable characters Sandra Bullock always plays in movies
whatever bro. i had ice cream and whiskey for breakfast and its noon. this is the second worst christmas ever.
As I was about to fuck him, he requested a moment of silence for Leonard Nimoy.
He told me was "pretty like the wife in some movie where the husband is a cheater." I think I'm gonna fuck him.
Okay I'm ready to show you that my weiner still works
Too late, I'm convinced it's broken
Your life is a soap opera of great sex, cats, and booze.
Randomize