you wouldn't even come home last night... Dead to me
he was fingering me to the beat of a lady gaga song. new high? new low? i don know, but i came, so whatever.
Too bad it's not "confirm, ignore or not unless I've had 20+ beers"
That's terrible. At least give it a creative name like muff mobile.
Last night: Repeatedly yelled about how the fishbowl tasted like blue, stole a stranger's hat, hugged the DJ for playing my request, made out with my roommate, and abandoned the guy I dragged to the club in the first place
This morning: Hat doesn't fit, hangover headache is blue, and I can't move without getting lightheaded
Listen when they tell you not to drink after giving blood
We told our cab driver we'd give him 3 grand if he pit maneuvered you guys in your cab.
So the night ended when we tried making fireworks out of gunpowder and oregano. You can figure out how that went.
The bond between me and cheese is something no man can understand.
I know you all think its cute to drop me off in a different state when I black out, but I can't wake up in family campgrounds asking where I am. These parents are scared.
Oprah Winfrey is a jealous, vengeful god
You're going to hell! And you're going to hell! And you! And you. You're all going to hell!!!
I stopped hooking up with him and ran to the bathroom to throw up. He saw me throwing up and it made him throw up
Also the girl beside me smells like she's been in a deep fryer.
THERES A FUCKBOY IN MY PERSONAL SPACE
GET IT AWAY FROM ME IM ALLERGIC
Rock bottom: having sex rejected while your boyfriend talks in his sleep as you stuff your face with Girl Scout cookies
We need a signal or code word for "I basically shaved my whole body and we should touch each other tonight".
Randomize
