Your mom has a birthmark right next to her nipple
Where are you? I just made a vodka + cranberry & I’m going to drive there & throw it in your face
dude you have to find out what a girl's name is before you sleep with her. if her name is debbie she's boring, if her name is lauren she's an overrated hoebag, if her name is meagan she gived bad head.
The parties out here are fucking awesome and I've got the grades to prove it.
Don't ask how, but I'm pretty sure my name is now on a lease to a taco bell franchise in maryland...
they are using this drunk girl like a spin the bottle in the hot tub, whoever she lands on she makes out with.
Steve just broke his bong and some kid in an american flag bathing suit and no shirt just fell down the stairs. Its dangerous here
Also I spent like 2 hours on the hubble/nasa website sunday night looking at pictures of outer space and cried my face off at how beautiful and complex it is. What's wrong with me?!
im that hungover where parking at red lights has to be done
Oh, and apparently I was butt ass naked and walked into the room where anna was skyping her dude in afghanistan and said "This is happening."
You were supposed to behave this weekend.
But... naked.
I need a present that says please like me even though i'm banging your grandson
Give me an out of order sign and caution tape and we can have sex practically anywhere.
Regardless I WANT TO BE YOUR SEX DISPENSARY. that is like the career I was born for.
Dude. Don't do acid and go to Disney on ice. Hear my warnings. That snow monster will fuck your shit up.
Randomize