I have a client coming in and there's a note that says she wants her hair to like Elisabeth Hasselback's from the view
that's Oklahoma for you
too bad being hungover isnt a job. just threw up from 9am to 5pm
Omg i either met the gayest dude ever or my next boyfriend
i hope whoever thought of bagged wine flip cup last night has the same hangover as me. not ok.
Found her in the closet eating mayo out of the jar with a knife
It's okay, I climbed on the roof of the bar to get my shoe back. This may become a Saturday tradition. I'll keep you updated
I may or may not go. send a pic of a nipple so I know how much fun you're having
I began mixing captain Morgan and jack daniels and called it captain jack sparrow. I puked. a lot.
The guy who bit me so hard two nights ago that I had to put Neosporin on my nipple and the guy in my bed right now are two different people. Help
I faked an orgasm during phone sex last night. This relationship is starting to become real.
He called me at 4am to ask me to marry him, then threw up into the phone for 10 minutes.
If sandwichs had dicks, my life would be complete
We're going to ride the bus of mixed signals all the way to unrequited love town and that's where I'm going to live my life and then die.
There's a 50-50 shot that I will wake up with an ass tattoo tomorrow.
We spent our last night together taking turns vomiting in the bathroom. I'd say it was a romantic trip.
Randomize
