It's a sad day when you realize you are no longer above fucking in movie theater bathrooms.
5 am is for sleeping. Or getting railed on by a stranger. But never for fundraising. Get real.
Thru out the entire phone conversation I went from thinking: he's making a gay come-on, to he's trying to sell me drugs, before realizing he was offering me a job with an internet company. Things are gonna be awkward in class this week.
i'm so sad bro, I can't get any pussy. I'm so sad
If I threw up, how do I still have the same piece of gum in my mouth from the beginning of the night?
That's unfortunate. Distance can be a stoner's greatest enemy.
You make it sound like a battle for Middle Earth.
So last night I learned something new. Whenever I drink beer out of a bottle a random guy buys me another one. It was like as soon as the glass hit my lips every guy in a 20ft radius got a hard on.
Withdrawals are gods way of saying "you're still my bitch"
Her mom is a nurse who got called in to declare someone dead. Just got wing manned by a corpse.
I think your husband is breaking up with me...
A 3am FaceTime to go to IHOP is the closest thing to a bootycall that I'm getting
I need a beard to bite.
its not even a love triangle. its a love square and it has come back to haunt me
In any case. I fucked a married couple recently. Know what a straight person would've done there? Been super weirded out by 1/3 of the genitals there, that's what.
I woke up in nothing but my socks and my hat a cigarette in my mouth and a beer in my hand..........GREAT NEW YEARS
Randomize
