when I'm not with you everything just looks like crayon scribble
You really need to take down the pics of you and your boyfriend on facebook. It's becoming increasingly harder to jerk off while i'm Facebook stalking your pics at 2am.
Just threw up my room service breakfast with my fake eyelashes and pearls still on.
There was no way out of it, seeing as I left my photo ID right next to the vomit.
Howd you meet this guy?
I found him next to my pants on sunday morn.
Found crayons in my cigarette pack. I can't help but feel you may be responcible.
I feel like I just rode a horse, did a million jumping jacks, ran a marathon and need a carton on cigarettes. best sex hands down... EVER
I was to tired to jerk him off, so he made me hold it while he thrusted into my hand.
We are there now. They have a giant cock and balls with an eagles face and wings.
he calls himself the gay cupid because he matches two guys looking to hookup on craigstlist with each other. get me out of here. please.
For once I am not in the mood. My vagina is good with life at the moment.
The apocalypse has arrived.
I left the brick of cheese in your car! Keep it at Moderate Temp! It's my precious!
I texted him a series of texts in which the first letters of each text spelled out "WE SHOULD HAVE SEX". If that's not dedication to the dick, I don't know what is
When my beach tent arrives , I strongly suggest quitting our jobs and becoming homeless beach drunks
Wanted to let you know I hooked up with your brother.
i thought he was gay wtf
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