i kept saying "bloody hell" in a ron weasley accent until i forcibly told myself to shut up
Remember in school when they told us our vag was made just the right size for our future husband? I must say I am enjoying trying to find that perfect fit.
Using your Catholic School education as an excuse for this? Why didn't I think of that?!
Changing from sweatpants to jeans at 3 in the afternoon makes the day seem so much more productive than it actually was.
I think i lit a firework with a joint. happy birthday, america?
I tried to show my boob for free volcano tacos at taco bell last night. Not boobs. Just boob. The manager wasn't allowing it.
I was about to send you a concerned-for-your-safety text b/c it took you more than ten seconds to respond to a text that mentioned both the bar and lesbians
Are we hungover?
I got a lapdance from a gay guy in red uggs and spandex shorts with reindeer antlers on. And I don't remember it. Hungover does not even cover it.
Now that weed is legalized There needs to be reusable bags for people to pick up with. All this plastic is so bad for the environment and a waste
You were naked too, so it cancels out. We're straight.
This Christmas I would like to thank Jesus for cocaine.
I feel like I hate him but his dick too bomb to hate completely
all of these bad things happened because I didn't bring a shower beer.
I tried to text you about going to the Lion's Den but sent it to my boss. She was down for it. Please advise.
The room got awkwardly silent right as i yelled "leave him alone! I know plenty of straight guys who like to suck dick!"
I STUDIED GEOGRAPHY I KNOW THIS SHIT!! DON'T YOU DARE QUESTION MY AUTHORITY ON GLACIAL DEPOSITION AGAIN BITCH!!
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