either we just had an earthquake or I am really good @ masturbating
i just thanked the atm machine for giving me cash
I lost my virginity in that bed. You just layed in history.
Just know that as we speak i am injecting vodka into gushers
Complete silence. Background Willy Wonka music. An empty back of Lay's BBQ chips. These are the ingredients for an extreme acid trip.
Currently behind the bar at some asian place, pouring drinks for everyone with a snake around my neck
I'm pretty sure my lung is caught on my rib. And I can't feel the left side of my face. Best. Sex. Ever.
We're all getting matching jack daniels tattoos. We're gonna be an alcoholic gang of awesome.
If we laid all the dicks that's have been inside of us end to end it would be as tall as 4 story building. 40 feet of dicks.
I honestly don't think it will ever get topped. Unless a real female cop arrests me, then fucks me. That's it.
i think ive reached a prime reproductive point in my life or somethin- i see gingers and all i want to do is have their babies. like my body knows that i have a to carry on a legacy
I have the liquor shits and this time, it's personal.
Thanks. It's every girl's dream, right? To blow a bald marketing consultant 12 years her senior?
He asked me to fly out to Seattle to participate in a week of marathon sex so I'm at the airport now. I'll call you when I get back.
there's a bowling ball in the dishwasher and a dog bone in the freezer
Randomize
