At least we don't have one night stands
True that. We sink our claws in our men.
Ever since I got married, I've become the MacGuyver of masturbation
they told you the "weed man" wouldn't come until you were asleep, like santa claus. you believed it.
battery dying...get laid and text me after...or during...its whatever.
yes we did fuck in his chapter room. yes it was demeaning. and yes, they probably will discuss it at chapter tonight.
Ihop lady gave me free pancakes for being sober this time
When I find myself drinking from a boot I just go with it and refuse to ask why.
Thanks for your number, i want to ski with you, do party with you and sleep with you. Lucas.
Was that you I seen riding on the top of a cab? Way to start the new year
It'd be easier to list the surfaces my ass hasn't been on.
No matter how drunk I am or how drunk I'll ever be I love you
There is a midget driving a powered tricycle around town. I am not drunk, stoned, or lying.
No matter how long you've been away, there's nothing quite like pooping at your parents' house
I saw his new girlfriend. She was flashing people, short and kinda chubby. I was happy with my life after that.
I need more 20 something year old penis in my life
Randomize
