ya dads aren't the best wingmen
im dressed up like a present. waiting for someone to unwrap me ;)
this is your brother
he borrowed my computer and saw his name in my recent google searches. Things got awkward real fast.
she went to type in rate my professors and rate my pussy came up in my recent searches. needless to say, i will likely be masturbating to the aforementioned site tonight.
Tonight's Real World episode reinforced the well-known fact that men of any caliber can hook up with girls named "Crystal"
I can always make him wear a mask... I'll tell him it's a fetish.
my dad just told me he found me on the kitchen floor saturday morning with a microwave dinner on top of me, fork still in hand. priceless
They called me at 5 AM saying they had a present for me
Just made a Xanax and ginger ale smoothie. Oh Thursday you are good to me..
I know how I'm going to make my fortune.. designing an icepack made specifically for the vagina.
I have a bruise on dick where you tried to "high five" me.
I'm back in the dating scene now... Since the legality issue calmed down. And my stalking charges were dropped.
I pretty much told him I was too sober for this an just walked away and all I heard was "IT'S BECAUSE IM A BAD KISSER ISN'T IT" OVER AND OVER AGAIN
hey man , the girl you brought home last night is in the kitchen puking in the sink and asking if she can have more shots of Whiskey....think i should give her a shot glass or send her home....
Ok, there are marshmallows shaped like elephants
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