Great. Don't do shady things like that ok?
so... i had sex tonight
with a midget
nicccce tits for a little person
This chick, for whatever reason, has serious "Leave your wife and kids and also break up her young marriage in order to frolick for a good 2 weeks before I realize that she's just like the rest of them and I made a huge mistake and ruined a lot of lives in the process" potential. It's SO INTRIGUING.
I just watched the quarterback of Purdue get shut down by a girl at a bar. not a good omen
I have discovered something important. The trick to making food taste better is not always 'more hot sauce'.
I went to go pee and found a strand of your hair wrapped around my penis.
It was the third Sunday in a row that I woke up in his bathtub. So no our sex life isn't that great anymore.
i lost my airplane ticket and tried to board with a bar receipt in all the confusion. i have officially lost all brain cells in college.
I just had someone I don't even know on Facebook message me saying it seems like I drink too much and should slow down.
You were naked too, so it cancels out. We're straight.
So besides your brother walking in on you shaving and singing "I'm gonna get asssss" how was your night
These muscle relaxers obviously don't work because I'm harder than a fucking diamond.
Oh. So it is a cult
Basically. But a nice cult. They eat muffins and talk about fundraising.
My lash glue is stronger than my sense of self respect
You smell like a steam boat captain.
Whatever your on right now, I want.
Randomize
