And then I said "flip over. I want to show you something i learned in Afghanistan."
was i over the top when i said that i wished they made v-neck pants to her?
i asked him to tell me something nice and he said "your vagina is really tight."
just went trash diving in my work clothes for weed. A&E's intervention here i come.
Just took my pill on time for two days in a row. I deserve a prize.
Not having phil's child is good enough.
well when mom kept referring to my "black hole of a vagina" and how i devoured all the nuts at the party like i was a pro, i figured my stay was up.
just got tipped $5 to put a barbie in a waffle cone and drip caramel sauce on it while a group of dudes cheered and one took pics. 90% sure they were sober
In between when I last wrote and now have screwed a Swiss guy on a hostel bathroom floor. Okay, real life?
Only thing I got out of his drunken Spanish is something that sounded like "pencil sharpener." Damn rosetta stone.
I just got a nosebleed on a date at the cheesecake factory...
just run out of the bathroom with blood gushing down your face and scream "ITS IN THE CHEESECAKE!!!!!"
Please make sure you have solid number of friends around you that wouldn't be afraid to break a bottle and stab someone. If you're planning on drinking all of that, you're going to need a safety net.
I am thankful for thumbs.
Because without thumbs, we would be dolphins.
Land dolphins.
I believe you can. But if you can have rum with breakfast then do that. Definitely do that.
I woke up spooning with two strangers on Saturday morning... I felt like a sexual sandwich
he put a condom on for a handjob WTF
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