I think im pregnant
I think you have the wrong number
I just had teddy grams, ritz crackers, and twizzlers for dinner. Hello, end of the semester.
According to last night if you on the sidewalk at 12 a|m\nYour a WHORE !
Its like a 4.5 hour drive but there's drinking involved so I'm destined to go
Why doesn't the washer have a puke setting?
You're the third person who's asked me for an afternoon blow connection in one day. Unreal.
That's more of a you-issue than a me-issue
I was able to hide the fact that I had just shit in my pants, and then wupped her ass at FIFA
The sound of my own breathing is making my head throb. That hungover.
God this is like a meg Ryan movie without the restaurant orgasms
The only thing left on my Bucket List is getting fingered at an aquarium.
He texted me at 2am telling me to come get my American flag from his place, if that's not code for sex idk what is
We just saw two bitche in pink capris jazzercising down the road. On Thanksgiving.
I am a delicate flower. A fucked up, drunk, horny, pants pissing, delicate little flower.
I slapped a guy during sex last night because he moaned the wrong name. Then I remembered I gave him a fake name. Sorry bro.
What am I doing? I'm usually only attracted to horrible people.
Randomize
