Fake titties should be able inflate and deflate like tires. So on Saturday you can put on your Double D hooker titties or Sunday put on your size B church tits.
omg i finished an entire carton of double double chunk chunk ice cream last night...
what? what exactly is in double double chunk chunk?
self-loathing.
well look at the bright side
maybe you can be on an episode of "I Didn't Know I Was Pregnant"
I mean, it really isn't YOUR car until you have sex in it.
Bad idea pregaming graduation.... she just threw up before walking across the stage... i'm gonna miss this
I'm inventing beer flavored vodka. This raspberry shit makes me feel like a pussy.
Umm I need a rain check. Long story short is I have scabies. Research it if you want. I'll tell you everything another time soon, I promise.
We got the possum out of our house. We built a maze with our empty kegs and chased it with brooms.
You know you drank too much last night when your mouthwash tastes like water
It's been a year of occasional hook ups....this was bound to happen sometime even with your jank ovary schedule.
I don't want to ruin date night, but you have no idea how hard it is to poop whilst looking at cute puppies.
Beard. Chest hair. Job.
The holy trinity.
I can't be sure but I think I slept with a clown last night...
My first hangover at work. I'm officially an adult.
Greetings from Florida; the armpit of the US, where my 240something lb brother nearly got carried away by some aggressive woodland mosquitoes. I was only spared because they could probably sense I was currently semi-disassociating and would not feel the suffering their presence wrought.
Anyway, how was your day?
Randomize
