thanks...oh and i got my period
told you
oh hush
Confirm your location. A cross street is best, but if google mapping yourself is your least-shameful option go for it. ps- going through his mail for an actual address is always an option.
hey soul. what's that? you, dignity and pride are left for the night? coulda told me that before i vomited all over my mother.
Dude you just kept yelling "She was my first asain!" right in front of her.
well after we realized that his best friend and my twin sister were hooking up it was kind of an unsopken agreement that we would too
Just found a wrench in the washing machine. Sooo not doing your laundry anymore.
Please come and rip my uterus out before it does it itself
One good thing out of all this is her ass is huge. Like Australia Big.
Did I fall on/off the boat yesterday? Cuz my right leg looks and feels like if it got hit by shrapnel.
She definitely peed in a bucket in their closet last night. We should warn them about that, right?
He sent me a snap of him eating a tamale shirtless. I think I might be in love.
LOCK HIM DOWN.
I was gonna be Romantic and write your name in emoji eggplants but A's are hard
His idea of a night out is drinking beer in the driveway. He's been on house arrest too long
He fucked me while wearing a unicorn horn. I think I have found the one...
You are currently doing Harry Potter spells with the turkey-baster...
Randomize
