i effing cant stand that stupid soul the new way to roll hamster commercial. everyone im with is laughing and now hate them all.
so after morning sex, she rolled a joint and turned on sports center
you might have found the rare bro goddess. i thought they were myth
i dont care if i have to wear a pillow case, there will be an open bar at my wedding
I drunk madeout with my mom last night. it's guna be an awkward breakfast.
Managed to discreetly puke out of a moving streetcar window, in front of no less than a dozen people. Nobody saw/said anything. I feel like a legit local now.
It was really weird walking into a CVS and not going straight to the pharmacy for plan B.
He made me keep his swollen nut cold with frozen bags of peas while rubbing his tummy because he said I had no choice.
What's the standard Christmas present for six months of booty calls?
Mobile recharge?
There were grown college boys running around north campus in capes with nerf guns. If security were to be called I think they would just give them more beer.
I am disappointed by everyone's lack of ability to dance on a stripper pole:(
Ok I'm drunk as fuck already at 529 and this waitress started flirting with me, I wanna bang her for acknowledging my existence
If you had amazing eyebrows i'd have sex with them.
How was your night?
I spent a lot of money and drank a lot of booze. Also was part of a successful search party
You know your Halloween costume is slutty when you have to shave your pubes to wear it.
Its only once in a life time you get to pick your vcard swiper up from jail
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