i never knew gatorade would taste just as good on the way back up
I just used my 2 drink stirrers as chopsticks to get a lime out of my drink. I really am Asian.
Minivans at bars can only lead to bad things.
Hemmingway ran to paris to avoid going to the university of illinois and becoming a doctor. It was there he developed a drinking problem. I need a plane ticket.
I just threw up while getting a haircut. I'm never trying to accomplish stuff with a hangover again.
hey sry I lost all my numbers who is this?
pat the guy you slept with
still need a last name
I think he'd cut a tree down for me. He's from North Dakota. That's something hot guys do there, right?
I feel the need to point out that one of the items on my to-do list for the day is "don't throw up" I have no concept of normal
I'm still in my ugly sweater and underwear drinking coffee next to a plate of assorted treats we stole from the party. I got a new sweater by the way, its shoulderpad-y and looks like a news anchor got thrown up on by Liberace. I'm pretty proud.
It looks like I colored my belly button red at some point
I apparently used the line "I'm a bouncer too so i would know if I were too drunk" then they asked me to leave.
I'm gonna have to kick a girl scouts ass...
Do you ever just feel the storm building inside of you that tells you you're ready for a giant indiscriminate fuckfest?
You were trying to be sexy by spraying your contact solution on your chest and telling me to lick it off
I told the cop I was late for a booty call. He still gave me a ticket but he wrote his number on it
Randomize
