pray for me tomorrow cause I have a midterm that I've mostly studied for by watching Bill Nye episodes on the subject...
Just invented new drinking game watching Hocus Pocus... everytime they say "virgin" wetake a shot and yell out "to j****"
whats a positive sounding word for "exploit"?
Did you write "I hope this gives you aids" on my box of capn crunch?
He legit pounded my cooking wine, because he was to cheap to buy beer. He is so not getting any.
You'll get a boner for sure
Way ahead of you. Kinda awkward while paying rent but hey
Nearly got hit by a blue bell ice cream truck. Can I count on you to make plenty of puns like "her life was sweet, and so was her death" at my funeral if that was to happen?
The next time you fuck up, your grandma sees your dick pics
I'm in Home Depot and I can feel the straight bob the builders staring at me. I bet it's like I have a rainbow arrow pointing at me.
I was giving him a blowjob but we had to stop because he started crying when his cat walked in and started staring at us
So you've been sexting me while spending time with your family
I'm a family man but I have priorities
A picture of a damn cupcake brought back 3 fuckboys
ugh i want to get waxed but I’m afraid. my vagina has had enough trauma this week, i don’t know if I can put her thru any more.
I'm not kidding, he literally jumped in the red panda exhibit. I knew this was gonna be a good birthday.
OH DEAR GOD IT GOT IN MY MOUTH AGAIN HELP
Randomize
