I'm at subway, this 8 year old kid is judging my fashion sense with his dad. I want to kill myself.
It's ok, he's just 8, he's not judging you.
He just asked why I'm sitting alone. I honestly want to cry.
you told everyone your name was brenda and you had the whole party chanting b-dawgg by the end of the night. successful.
Seeing Harry Potter 3D stoned: Pro- giant redheads w/cute accents. Con-weeping for stoners who only had Pink Floyd laser shows.
i regret nothing . he quoted dr. suess . he deserved that bj .
I cant believe Lindsay Lohan feels like this every day
You were passed out on the chair and when I asked you if you were okay you looked up and said "I'm fine, I was just pretending for a picture" then passed out again.
And all I wanted you to do is stand there and sing who let the dogs out.
I am omw to AA Fellowship by the sea w Jenny and a stripper who just paid for our jetski with 85 $1 bills
There is not enough soap in the world to make me feel clean after last night. Im gonna need jesus for this one
seriously, i never want to drink Robitussin again. her face was melting as i tried to convince her i wasnt high and i probably would have fucked ray. his parents thought i was a sweet charming lesbian.
This is why you are not allowed out in public.
Well get back to your date and give him the ceremonial 1am handy and text me when your done.
Do you remember biting my ear and whispering quotes of Pride and Prejudice last night?
I am descending into that finals week rage fueled by ramen, mountain dew and bad sex is what's up.
At least get laid and waffle fries out of it you whipped basterd
May I the honors of taking your dick tonight?
The honor would be all mine.
Randomize
