Just made a coke joke and literally drooled on myself. How do we feel about pavlov's theory of conditioning now?
I can't believe you just became a stipulation in their divorce papers.
HE IS COURTING ME WITH CHINESE FOOD AND IT IS WORKING.
It was fun until the stripper told me it was her first day and started crying.
I'm going out w/ her for her b-day in a bit. I just talked to one of her drunk friends on the phone who asked if I could "handle 7 lesbian." This could be interesting.
So apparently we wrote "Lube Shopping" in Paula's diary on every friday for the rest on the year....
Just made a beer run. At 9am. In my pjs. I should not be graduating today
Dont judge the spank bank, just be happy that you were deposited there.
We had an in depth conversion about the best way to take a dick pic. Both with and without mirrors.
I've just had my first cup of coffee in a month and I moaned at the first drink and honestly I think this is the most sexual expreiance in 6 months
In case you were wondering I realized something last night, Rick James was correct. Cocaine is a hell of a drug.
My professor just told my lab he could drive us around town in his 1991 Lincoln towncar limo for our bar crawl. This just keeps getting better!
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score onr for mom.
My new plan is to whip out my titties when they arrive. Maybe they won’t notice that I broke the couch fucking my boss...
Protip if he licks the back of your knee and you reflexively kick him your game of 'lick the lady' is over.
Randomize
