I'm kindof freaked out about my cock not getting up this morning. Cove over later so I can sort this out. Do not post this on texts from last night.
Damn that would have been a great one. Hahah and don't worry...
She looked like her face caught fire, and someone put it out with a screwdriver.
I decided that not getting a job after college is gods way of telling me I will make a great housewife
i think i am going to devote my summer to making my cats internet celebrities
It was awkward being the only one at the wedding who knows that the bride and groom met when she gave him a lap dance at a strip club
Her hair goes down to her lower back and nobody was there to held it back for her. She looked like chewbacca dipped in vomit.
Just fucked in a kitchen. I never want my penis that close to knives, stoves, or blenders ever again.
So as I left the Australian's hotel room, I said "Welcome to America. You're going to do just fine here."
I legitimately had a champagne shower last night at a rave. I was also carrying around two bananas in my pockets like guns. Drunk doesn't even. Begin to explain My night.
SHE BROUGHT HER PARROT TO THE PARTY. IT SQUAWKS EVERY TIME SOMEONE VOMITS LIKE 'PARTY FOUL SQUAWKKKKKK'
It isn't easy. I met him at the gym. He wanted to go out he doesn't drive so I drove and he wanted Dairy Queen where his sister is the manager. This is dating in my 20's
And let me tell you, getting your ass waxed is the weirdest fucking experience.
not ubering you a puppy
Burnt food and a broken vibrator. Disappointment after disappointment. Is April a man?
I fucked a French man last night. 5 Times. Ashed my cig in his cactus. That later set on fire while we were having sex.
Randomize
