I hope my future cuntsucker is that tight
Omg. If Ina Garten Makes roast chicken one more time im going to strangle her with her white button down
I'm pretty sure we've had sex a bunch more times than we've hugged. So hugs are weird when they happen.
The port-a-pottys are knocked over so I have nowhere to sleep.
Im sitting on the exxon bathroom floor, idk if its healthy but it sure is cold
Rehydrating your liver back to life is never a good idea.
I wish the sun would stop judging me for being drunk while it's still shining.
Just had a 10 minute long conversation with my cat about how if I died, and he needed to eat me to live, I'd totally be ok with it. Definitely still drunk.
If i still have my costume on when i get home from the bar i am gonna be pissed
Wake your sexy ass up. It's donut time.
It's disgusting. He breathes through his mouth and just sounds fat. Plus he chews all loud and shit.
Last night I was introduced as the Picasso of getting fucked up so I obviously had to live up to it by chugging long islands
The cops high fived after they tackled you
why the hell did we go to a rave last night?
we didn't?
definitely went to a bar with strobe lights
JENNIFER. You passed out in a toilet with a color changing light in it.
Mike's letting gay guys do body shots off him again.
My boyfriend, ladies and gentlemen.
Randomize
