You are an awful beat friend I am goin to die in a car accident and then my corpse is going to be used by criminals ala weekend at bernies to rob a bank then my corpse will go to jail Thanks john Thanks for nuthin
hey boys, thanks for all the pictures of your dick you took with my camera last night...they were really nice to stumble upon while reliving my night in the breakroom today at work
Dude, it's the frankincense and myrrh soap. Smelling like baby Jesus will get you laid.
He came up behind me making dolphin noises in my ear when I noticed a collection of hors d'ouevres from the reception earlier in his jacket pocket
I will never doubt you again...he IS perfect for you
I tell myself every day I shouldn't be friends with you
I'm not sending you pictures to jack off to. That's not what friends do
Apparently it's bring your ugly annoying ass piece of shit slob of a baby day at work
Is there a polite way to say "Sorry for your head injury but I still want to hook up"?
I'd be 10x more excited if going out didn't require pants or the general giving of fucks
He was jealous of me and threatened by me. I'm like, just cause I could fuck your girlfriend doesn't mean I'm going to
She's not even my type. She doesn't have a penis or a drug problem
I just haymakered a dude with my face, can we talk about ME for a second and not the guy I fought?
Do you think they'll deliver pizza to my mouth
You left me a drunk voicemail of you describing your pizza to me at 2 AM
Got a $290 noise violation last night for shouting "THE KING OF THE NORTH" til 2 am
She was shaving her legs in the neighbors pool when we found her.
Where'd she get the razor?
Not the point.
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