Yeah but his hole really smells sometimes
i just rolled a joint on the giving tree. that book has given me so much.
There is a clear recurring theme of me having sex in restrooms that really needs to stops
Found out that it IS actually possible to get road head from somebody in the back seat
should i go to class, or party with a mariachi band?
meriachi band is very tempting, do they have dos equis?
What I love about college? The kid tripping balls has a kayak made readily available to him on any given Wednesday, Saturday, or Sunday.
Know what's awesome? Flying a mini helicopter while you shit.
Now I'm at the gym and I never want to leave. It's a combo of adderall and endorphins and I don't want it to go away
Woke up the day after the party with a bruise on my stomach. Pretty sure my liver was trying to escape for fear of it's life.
After the keg stand you collapsed, hit your head on the floor, started seizing and after 20 seconds got back up and said "hah, I remember my first beer"
eating chex mix on the couch when he walks in naked and asks how he looks. are you shitting me.
You fell asleep mid blowjob with my vibrator in your HAND. So no, I will not bring you pizza.
THERES A BEAVER CHASING ME, ANGRY BEAVERS IS FUCKING REAL DUDE
GOOD MORNING! This is your wake up call! Just incase this text wasn't enough, I had sex on your bed last night while you were drunk hitting on my sister. Dan jizzed on your pillow! We rubbed it on both sides! Now get up and go to class!
Laying in bed naked is fun. I now see why guys love boobs... They're sooo bouncy! This long distance relationship is really killing my sex life.
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