Jack off faster Americas best dance crew is beyonce themed
mondays should just be called national damage control day
he mailed me a thank you note for the blowjob.
I told him I'd rather have sex with his father last night. I'll admit now that I was drunk.
i will be the first lesbian to ever fail women's studies.
Retelling stories from our semester makes me realize we need to get tested for herpes.
You asked her to play "the coma game" with you while hooking up, and then passed out in her bed. She couldn't wake you up so she slept on the floor.
Looks like I won that one
When I told him he could take naked pics of me, did I really need to specify that he could not email them to my brother's friends for bragging rights?
I just blew my weed a kiss
Some nice lady just gave me a beer out of her purse. I love youth hockey
You FaceTimed me at three in the morning while you were peeing. Your eyes were glazed over and you showed me your bellybutton.
In retrospect i can confidently say that the last two months of our relationship... i was only in it because i didnt wanna lose my list on his netflix account.
I will read books by day and do guys by night. A mental and physical enlightenment, if you will.
Yeah apparently i called the bartender a "fucking prison warden" after she took my keys and called me a cab
Mass text: dear whatever jerk off who thinks they stole drugs from me. It was birth control. Go fuck yourself. And pray that I don't get pregnant.
Who puts their birth control in a bottle with a smiley face?!
Oh fuck wait
Randomize
