trent lit his nipple on fire and said "i am the only highlander"
So the girl in front of me was buying champagne too .. I wanted to be like "so are you celebrating clean test results too?"
He came, while we were making out fully clothed. I'm going to write a book.
I'm really hoping to find some quality strange ass tonight while at my court appearance.
he said he did everything he could to puke on his nurses because they were doing everything wrong
Thats admirable.
Our room will be decorated with my urine.
There's s woman at the corner of the bar dancing by herself in her seat and making eye contact with me. Please hurry.
Guys, as my favorite vagina consultants I have to share something.
My professional advice is not to put lemons in your lady pocket.
for not the first time in my life, my clothes are covered in piss and i'm standing in line waiting to buy pedialyte at a convenience store
Talked to the dude for a hour . I now know where he lives, his occupation, his goals, his dreams and what his dick looks like.
Like he's moved to LinkedIn creeping on me since he's blocked everywhere else & I'm just so confused does he think I'm going to post daily updates of my life on FUCKING LINKEDIN
Why were there just 3 inflatable bounce houses delivered to my house?
oh shit.
So. Um. Hypothetically speaking...how would one get a squirrel out of the house?
Passed out in someones front yard last night. Got woke u?p by a lady walking her dog at 6am. Rock bottom.
You just sent a mass text asking if anyone ever drank the blood of a goat in the glorious name of Satan...after that we confiscated any writing utensil
Randomize
