I need to stop sleeping with republicans and cowboys fans.
do you know what somber means? it's kinda the opposite of a kegstand
I decided to buy a keg of Miller Lite instead of paying the electric bill. Just thought I'd give you a heads up...
My dry heaving is complicating my ability to speak.
I feel like everything in this room is sweating
New level of stoned. My Terry's Chocolate Orange didn't 'whack-and-unwrap' so I ate it like an apple.
Honestly I miss having a gay roommate. His female friends' implicit trust in him would carry over to me even though they knew Im straight. Best unintentional wingman ever.
What drink are we having for lunch?
Now I can say "look me up on Pornhub."
We just broke into a lion king sing along. Understanding is not possible.
You know you're hung-over when you're smoking and have the strong urge to eat the cigarette. No more buckets of gin. No. More. Ever.
make that a herd of moose. they will be my moose minions
Fuck. What bets did I make about "yeah when the Cubs win the World Series" that I gotta reneg on????
Fuck me I smell like cheese
I'm driving to work hungover. I feel like I got hit by a train and then drank that train too.
Randomize
