So my Christmas cards this year will be my mug shot with my kids face photo shopped next to me....too ghetto?
Beer is about to convince me to do something really stupid.
she insisted that i refer to her boobs by name.
I just found a pubic hair on my dick that wasn't mine.
Okay I woke up in my room, snuggie on, had a water bottle in my hand my tv was on Disney channel and my cigarettes are gone. And I deleted every text in my phone but one that said 'you are absolutely welcome'
Ikeep having to ask jim if I'm actually talking. I canmt feel my body...this is what Christmas is all about
Well it's official... The first guy I ever gave head to now holds 2 world records. Should I text him asking if I can try and break my record?
It's amazing to think about how many Obama victory sex babies are being prevented by Obamacare free contraception.
And then he serenaded me with "Pimps don't cry" from 'The Other Guys'. If that's not love I'm not sure what is
I'm moving out of my place and I just gave my mom a couch that I had sex on last night. Reduce, reuse, recycle at its best.
You don't know how skeptical I was about letting a guy with braces go down on me
I don't think you should say "suck my dick" and then proclaim to be a messiah, of any sort.
There is an unwrapped tampon, a condom, a rubber chicken and a slim Jim currently sitting on our dining room table.
I spent three hours in the ER last night to figure out that my friend just had to take a shit
Jus pulled over and stole. Corn out of a. Field. ... get on my level
Randomize
