Cold hands, warm shart.
Ok never mind. Thought i pooped my pants for a second. False alarm.
Best porno line to date...."drinks are on me..." while she female ejaculates into a wine chalice
I had a new years resolution not to be a whore anymore, but I think I'm gonna wait till 2011
We left around 4 AM after the stripper showed no mercy and dropped into a split on Matt's nose. Massive nosebleed.
I gotta stop tellin complete strangers at the bar that they're the godparents to my first born
She spilled some tequila on her hair somehow and I guess I felt bad for her, so I yelled "ROOMIES FOR LIFE" and dipped my hair in my tequila.
Not blacking out at our finals party is my Everest
why is there a chinchilla in our apartment, and where did it come from?
question nothing. DON'T QUESTION A FREE CHINCHILLA.
You can achieve whatever you wish in your imagination with some help from drugs
The guy behind me is talking about how his life goal is to use his knowledge of mathematics to make the world a better place. My only life goal right now is getting through this lecture without throwing up in my lap.
I just pawned the ring from my ex boyfriend to replace the ring I lost from my current boyfriend. #thanks
If the smell of things stopped me from putting things in my mouth. I wouldn't be popular with Grindr guys.
Got 3360 Shoppers points for buying Plan B. I guess this all worked out for the best.
tonight's safe word is brought to you by the phrase "Ahhhhhh"
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