I was just at the bank and there was a fat lady wearing a cape. today is gonna be awesome.
it's one of those mornings where you are proud of yourself just for waking up.
We did face masks and fucked...he really isn't gay, what they say about europeans is just true
At the end of the night you handed the bartender a piece of paper with the word "VISA" written on it.
We ran out of wine so we are trying the absinthe you brought over from Spain like 3 years ago. Please call me at noon tomorrow. If we die, its your fault
just go where the car takes you. fingers crossed its here with breakfast.
Do you have any idea how horrifying it is to hear your sister and her husband fucking then immediately go down stairs only to hear your parents fucking....... I wish I was Hellen Keller right now.
What an age we live in that I can try to pick up a guy by using my phone while I'm taking a shit at work.
Would you be mad if I just used the argument "I'm allowed to say that, my best friend is a lesbian"?
Never. I'm proud to help you win arguments.
THE PRUIS IN YOUR DRIVEWAY IS NOT YOURS
excuse me?
I accidentally borrowed your spare keys a while ago...i just tried them...that, my friend, is not your car.
I'm in a corner eating carrots and drinking champagne. I've hit a new kind of low.
How is that low? I love carrots.
who has a one night stand on Christmas ? But he's pretty attractive so thumbs up
They took the TVs out of the gym and the mini-Mart only had 2% milk. 2015 wants me to be fat
Dude, you fell into a tree, and both of the tables, AND the window well... Resilient aren't you?
she keeps trying to brush her hair with leaves and insisting she's not high
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