u know ur in oregon when the cop tells u to keep the beer cans he made u pour out so u can recycle them
My Hamptons summer hookup resume reads like a walk-in clinic waiting list.
guess who just got paired up at the beer pong table with the fat girl who's nipples are hanging out...
he keeps commenting everything on my facebook. it's like he's virtually peeing on me
the last thing i remember is unlocking the door. its like i was literally opening the door to my blackout
My cha cha got a haircut
thank god. going down on you was like chewing on astroturf
Is it wierd that you're going to be my best man and you've fucked my wife?
Btw...I puked in my hand last night and threw it on the floor. Don't let me do tequila ever again.
Hi, this is a test of the morning after apology broadcast system. If you're receiving this pre-recorded message there is a high probability I was a dickwad to you in the past 24 hours. You have my utmost and sincere apologies. Also if you have my wallet, house key, left converse, or lighter, give them/it back
Revised rule: don't put your dick in the general vacinity of mental instability.
Not even dry humping. Not even a little bit.
You are a piece of meat with a side of awesome to me.
someone stole all your weed so you told us you were planning each of our deaths
I will find, mount, and marry that person.
The longer the dick, the closer to Jesus when you’re on top.
its a comptetion of fuckups and im HERE TO WIN
Randomize
