Wanted to apologize for chris browning you when you were on my computer.
On a scale of affliction to ed hardy, how douchy is in there right now?
lol earlier she was acting like a normal gf... and then BANG! shes touching herself again...
Do you ever look back at facebook pics and say, "are those really guys I had sex with?"
woke up with a sweatshirt on that said "someone special calls me grandma" and a sword. i'm just going to assume that it was a good night
He SHOWED UP to the party wearing one shoe and a dinosaur hat. He kept lifting up his shirt and asking people to bite his nipple.
You have to understand, he didn't so much come out of the closet as he backflipped out of it with an accompanying marching band.
Remember that time I sent you a 5lb bag of gummie bears?
Like it was yesterday.
Apparently I had it on auto deliver. So whoever is at your apt is gonna gen an interesting delivery...
im so hung over everytime my dog barks the sound vibration makes my whole body hurt
I walked into the bathroom and there's this 6'5" cop washing his hands. He looks at me and goes, "Heard you singing outside. Sound real pretty."
No more tequila EVER.
I have bruises all over my legs. Did I hit a car with my bike last night?
He told me he sees me like a sister then 10 mins later tried to make out with me.
Lots of tissues. Maybe pizza. Only time will tell. The stages of political grief.
Thanks for ruining my life with your man penis
I just walked across town, stoned off my ass and barefoot in 35 degree weather for him to bust five mins in and then apologize 13 times as I got dressed.
Randomize
