Omg alex and i were cooking weiners on a campfire and a bear came and i am waayyy too high for this
Id settle for living inside the pirates of the carribean ride.
we got our roommate high for the first time. He went into his room alone and watched Malcolm in the middle for three hours
So he told me he didn't have a condom, paused, and then said "so, pulling out" and tried to high five me.
trying to line up a DD for St Pats Day. i guarantee i will put out. or puke and pass out. really its 50/50 at this point.
Btw, whenever you feel discouraged about your life, think about me being frantically upset bc my mobile porn site limited me to only 5 videos a day
I lost it last night. That was humiliating. Cincinnati is now covered in my puke.
you kept introducing yourself to guys as "never going to happen"
we've decided whoever is stupid enough to use the condom that's tacked to the wall deserves to get pregnant.
HOW DID YOU GET DEPORTED FROM THE BAHAMAS
i know you're at the dentist, but this dick pic was too phenominal to wait and i deserve immediate tit compensation
It'd be easier to list the surfaces my ass hasn't been on.
Two old ladies openly mocked me this morning at drunk breakfast. Is it time to reevaluate my life choices?
In case you're wondering... Yes walmart will judge you for buying vodka and pickles at 645am.
Just realized I've spent more nights sleeping on bathroom floors the last two weeks than in my own bed. It's time to reevaluate my life.
Randomize
