Im so hungover
Come over i have rolls
Ecstasy rolls or Challah rolls?
I just used a coupon while buying plan B. The pregnant sales clerk nodded in approval.
How did you get the entire couch up on it's side and into the bathroom?
Hillary is trying to make pickle pops with vodka and sell them to kids at the ball park.
My kindergarten teacher served me... All coming full circle
Single person behavior: I wanted a cookie but was too lazy to make or go buy any, so I let cookie dough ice cream melt and ate all the chunks. Pantsless.
He went down on me while I had rollers in my hair. I've never felt more like a lady.
Cry into your wine glass and then drink the tears, it's like the fountain of youth
okay when i look at this i can see it on the future news along with the headline "picture scandal involving senatorial candidate sexually harassing drunken idiot in what appears to be a pink room of pain"
Wow has his pick up routine ever gotten bad. He is trying to use cheese as a way to flirt with the waitress
Oh man, he played the Harvarti cheese card and it didn't work. Now he is flailing
Is it festive if I masturbate to Santa porn?
Nothing more awkward that being butt ass naked in a guys bed and his ex wife shows up with his kid....
You know, normal sex stuff involves shitting your pants. If you do it right.
I woke up to pee last night, got out of bed and proceeded to stand there because I had no idea where I was. Then, I heard my sexy as fuck personal trainers voice. Well-played blacked out me.
You told me that you couldn't come over because you felt like you were gonna die and that houses eat you when you die, and my house couldn't eat you because your house would be jealous. That's when I knew to take the bowl away from you.
Randomize
