In a bar in glasgow talking to a 12 year old about life. Welcome to Kentucky.
I've replaced the bottom of the food pyramid with alcohol.
im holly from the hills drunk
Where else am I to apply my creativity?
I don't know. Anywhere productive and not involving sex toys would be a start.
I think this breakup is Gods way of telling me I deserve a bigger dick
I cant do that to my vagina yet. its my prize posession.
You played "let it burn" by usher 28 times, knocked over the 36 gallon fish tank, and passed out in the kitchen. Yeah...That drunk.
Do you participate in Sunday morning booty calls?
Dammit! I didn't see this message, of course I do.
Last night at the bar you we're seriously going up to people and pushing through them like they were bowling pins and you were a bowling ball
Sounds good. I'm hoping to have my life together by next week but you never know I guess.
I lost a bet last night, now I have to name the baby Fetty Wap, regardless of gender. Riley is going to kill me.
Why do I like him? He literally has no redeeming qualities.
MY HAND WILL BE UP HIS ASS IF HE DOES NOT APOLOGIZE FOR WHAT HE DID. IT WON'T BE THE GOOD-FEELING KIND OF "HAND-UP-ASS" EITHER.
I just timed my pee with a stop watch. From when the main stream started to ended. It was 45.1 seconds. This is the truth trust me.
You asked me if I ever met a talking rock and when I said no, you looked me dead in the eye and said today was my lucky day then you crawled into a ball and started talking...that high.
Randomize
